Well, I finally saw Star Wars: Episode 2.

Sheesh, "Attack of the Clones."

I gotta say, each successive movie makes me like Star Wars less and less.

After Phantom Menace I didn't think I could dislike Anakin any more. Then I saw what a whiny, petulant teenager he turned out to be. Maybe the only thing more irritating than his whining was his inability to use contractions. Say what you will about Luke's whining ("I was gonna go into Mos Eisley for some power converters"), at least his delivery didn't sound like a prep school drama student.

Of course, it is entirely possible that Lucas wanted him to sound like a background character from Cruel Intentions.

As long as I'm griping, did anyone else find it odd that Amidala, who was apparently elected queen (what? Queens are elected?) at the tender age of late-puberty only seemed to have aged one or two years to Anakin's 10? And that even if she was only 15 when she was elected queen, she had no problem dating a boy who would have just been finishing high school when she was finishing her second term in the senate? And what the hell kind of government elects a queen but gives its legislative voice in the republic to a senator who would leave her affairs in the hands of Jar-Jar? I have to say that people of Naboo don't just have a stupid name for their planet, they have a stupid way of life to go with it.

And perhaps that is my biggest gripe with the last two movies: Great pains were taken to create an entire universe with its own history, mythology, politics and society; but the whole universe is reasonable only as long as you don't think about anything for more than fifteen seconds.

C'mon, why the hell would the trade federation's new battle droids have neck sockets compatible with whatever model C-3PO was kit-bashed from 10 years earlier? Apart from making possible the unnecessary and seemingly interminable Head-switching scene, I mean. Whoever thought that was clever enough to justify returning to it more than twice should be dragged out behind Skywalker ranch and beaten with a rubber hose full of bird shot.

Oh yeah, the special effects were continually impressive. The sheer number of new characters and vehicles will undoubtedly infuriate anyone who has to pay for a Star Wars Toy collection. I counted at least three different types of walker vehicles in the final clone battle alone.

And if you were one of those people who were holding your breath waiting to see Yoda fight, you should get out of the house more.