At this moment...

I'm supposed to be writing an essay that counts for something like 30% of my degree. The subject on which I'm supposed to elaborate are the techniques by which autobiographical events and information are transformed into fiction.

Given that a majority of my childhood and young adult memories are to do with fictional people, imaginary events, and highly implausible premises, I imagined this would've been easier. Turns out it doesn't exactly work both ways.

Anon and on and on?

Recently I have been forced to acknowledge another of the realities of modern life. This one being the need to market oneself, particularly to try and succeed in the art. If writing can be called an art, that is. Anyway, a great deal of emphasis has been put on the value of maintaining a presence on the interwebs, with some professionals telling me that I simply must get and maintain a "blogging on a myspace-dot-page."

Leaving aside the sniggering of those of us who claim to have some level of esoteric knowledge that others lack, the issue of exposure is a troublesome one. If I am going to use this space to promote myself, I'd have to be more open about it, wouldn't I? And it would probably be a good idea to downplay the laughing about children being systematically mistreated, the fascination with meat-eating robots, and the willingness to admit liking comic books and cartoons. So this particular mask probably ought to stay on as long as I'm writing here.

Which is to say that I'm probably going to have to start another one of these things, but with a goal of establishing a professional profile. Damn it, that's going to be more work. Which will mean less time for binge drinking, bitching about news and laughing at comics with monkeys in them.

This is someone's sales pitch. Seriously.

Apparently banana-mashing and plantain-loss are serious enough to necessitate a rather specific product. The "'Safe Banana' Banana Guard."

How many times have you took a banana to work, peeled it but found it was so bruised it had to be thrown away? Well, thanks to this great product, available from SafeBanana you can transport your banana fully protected during any journey.

There are nine great, funky colours to choose from and all are extremely popular. A tough banana shaped box that protects the banana and slows ripening thanks to small holes that run along the side, allowing air to circulate. A secure lock ensures you do not lose your banana. It is easy to clean and dishwasher safe.

The mind reels. There have been many times that I have "took a banana to work, peeled it but found it was so..." Wait, no. I don't know anyone who is such a colossal weenie that they would throw away a purpose-packed lunch banana because of bruising. And now that I think of it, what the hell are these people doing with their lunches anyway, kicking them down the streets?