Local Foreigner

The school year in Japan runs from April to March of the following year. Which means that most schools in Tokyo are now preparing for the end of the current school year. And my first year at elementary school is almost over too. And I have got to say that I am quite ready to be done with it. Just in case you've forgotten, or never read my complaints before, or didn't care enough to remember it the last time I started bitching about it, I am contracted to teach "International English/Culture Exchanging for Introduce of Lesson" at six elementary schools in the Tokyo area. I go to each school once a week and teach one lesson to each class in each grade from Kindergarden to 6th grade, with a poorly thought-out goals of:

1. Introducing the children to the existance of foreign people in a safe, non-threatening way to improve percieved feelings of fear of meeting/interacting with/existance of foreign people, especially as compared with other East Asian nations (not officially named but in particular, South Korea),

2. Beginning introduction to and practice in English speaking and understanding with the long-term goals of

2a. improving average performance of Japanese students in English speaking, especially as compared with other students in East Asian nations (not officially named but in particular, South Korea),

2b. reducing students' fear of and/or embarassment at using English, especially with foreign people,

2c. imparting to the students a feeling that English can be a fun and useful subject, to prevent declining interest in the required English studies in later grades (particularly as emphasis shifts from spoken English in grade 7 to English used on multiple-choice examinations in grades 8 through 12),

2. (cont'd) but with the short term suggestions that the classes avoid writing, spelling or phonics topics, as studies of high school and college students have shown that those topics are very difficult for them, and they feel uncomfortable using those skills, particularly with foreign people,

3. and having fun while getting to know the children and experience life in a Japanese school while engaging in exchange of international culture.

So imagine the feelings of success when, after an entire year, in almost every class in every grade, the children , as well as a few of the more courageous parents, are still asking me how tall I am, where I live, what my real job is, how tall I am, why I can (sort of) speak Japanese, how tall I am, when I will go back to my country and how tall I am.
Yes, I am a big person. In case you missed it, about 194 cm and 95 kg. But I also stopped growing several years ago. I did not suddenly shoot up over the summer. I have been this height for the entire year. And the kids have made it a point to ask me how tall I am at least once every day.
But that's not entirely fair. Yes, I get asked that everyday, but not by the same kids since I'm never at one school for more than five consecutive days. In fact, I only see each group of kids for about 40 minutes, once every six weeks. Which is why I don't know any of their names. Or 98% of the teachers' names. I was never in any place long enough to become a part of that school. Which is why my classes were viewed as break periods from "real school," both by students who wanted an excuse to act up for 40 minutes and for teachers who wanted a 40 minute break to grade papers, sleep in the corner, or sneak out for a smoke.
The point of all this is to say that for almost a year I have had a steady job as a regularly scheduled, irregularly appearing guest host with a mission to teach these kids English without using phonics, spelling or grammar and to help them get used to meeting foreigners by spending time with them for an average of 8 minutes per kid per year. Not surprisingly, I feel a very low sense of accomplishment in my work. Fortunately, I have so much else going on in my life that I still feel like a well-rounded, successful human being.

And I know where to find a tree big enough to suspend a 100kg weight over 2 meters off the ground for at least, oh, 10 to 15 minutes.