There aren't enough experiments that involve comparing human young with other animals.
Discovery News: Dogs Read Gestures Like Toddlers
Best line comes at the end: "[The researcher] does warn against simply thinking of dogs as furry versions of a two-year-old, given that no toddler could ever herd a flock of sheep as well as a dog."
You hear that, human toddlers? Just sit your diaper-clad asses down, you ain't even in the running on this one.
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
08 August 2009
10 December 2008
181350...
...is the approximate number of words of student writing I've had to read in the last five days. And of that, there have been four essays on dieting (common opinion: being fat and ugly and unstylish is bad, but so is "possible gastric rupture arising from forced vomiting to prevent absorption of calories intake"), two on pollution ("we should saving the planets and energetic for our sakes' children") and fourteen on population control. And the best line so far? It came from an essay in support of euthanasia, and it rather accurately sums up my feelings about my current line of work:
"'To be or not to be, it's a question.' For help stop the extra pain, I think he should be helped to end him suffering.That, my attendance-challenged friend, is exactly what I was thinking.
06 October 2008
Data without context
Total number of students enrolled in my Monday classes: 52
Total number of students who came into my classes after the start times today: 12
Number of students late for basic English class: 3
Number of students late for Intro to Business Communication: 7
Which gives us 2 left over students who were both actually about an hour late for Management Theories, a class that I don't even teach, in a classroom in a completely different building, on the other side of campus.
Is it worth noting that the students late for basic English, a 1st semester class, all came in within 7 minutes of our scheduled start? Is it worth noting that the (presumably) more advanced students for Business Communication (a 2nd semester class) came in between 10 and 40 minutes late?
And what about the fact that I, a person actually born one week late and chronically tardy for most of his educational life, have become among the strictest of clock-watchers?
Nah, none of it means anything, near as I can tell.
Total number of students who came into my classes after the start times today: 12
Number of students late for basic English class: 3
Number of students late for Intro to Business Communication: 7
Which gives us 2 left over students who were both actually about an hour late for Management Theories, a class that I don't even teach, in a classroom in a completely different building, on the other side of campus.
Is it worth noting that the students late for basic English, a 1st semester class, all came in within 7 minutes of our scheduled start? Is it worth noting that the (presumably) more advanced students for Business Communication (a 2nd semester class) came in between 10 and 40 minutes late?
And what about the fact that I, a person actually born one week late and chronically tardy for most of his educational life, have become among the strictest of clock-watchers?
Nah, none of it means anything, near as I can tell.
14 September 2008
Once more, unto the breach, dear friends...
Tomorrow is the first day of classes of the fall semester. Not only have I been (theoretically) rehired for another semester, but I've been given three separate classes to teach, which will be something like 25 hours of classroom time per week.
Too much work? I reckon so. So I'm going to make this choice consciously, with full awareness of what I'm letting myself in for. They want a full-on teaching schedule, that calls for a full-on teacher. I seem to recall having the best hallucinatory visions when I was jittery with exhaustion and fueled by coffee, Snickers bars and bemusement at the antics of my students anyway.
Goddamn it, saddle up! There's educating to do!
Too much work? I reckon so. So I'm going to make this choice consciously, with full awareness of what I'm letting myself in for. They want a full-on teaching schedule, that calls for a full-on teacher. I seem to recall having the best hallucinatory visions when I was jittery with exhaustion and fueled by coffee, Snickers bars and bemusement at the antics of my students anyway.
Goddamn it, saddle up! There's educating to do!
23 June 2008
19 May 2008
Forward, fast
Going back to work next week. I've been enjoying (sort of) a two-week break between semesters. I say "sort of" because even though classes ended two weeks ago, I've been unable to be completely finished with the semester's work. There were exams, workbooks and stacks of powerpoint presentations to grade. There were essays to read, evaluate, and penalize for plagiarism. Then there were the on-line student records to enter, correct, and re-correct. And there were the students who, finding they were going to fail because of a lack of attendance, participation and work submission, began making desperate and repeated attempts to show an interest in passing the course.
All of these things took up time. And now, with half the break gone, I find it's time to start preparing for the coming term. As a condition of my employment, I am paid fairly well per hour of class taught with the understanding that I must consider myself compensated for the the work done outside of class.
Funny, but when I'm called in during my 'holiday' to clear up errors resulting from a lack of foresight, planning or effort on the part of management, I find myself less inclined to accept the terms of the contract with good grace.
Am I lazy? Oh yes. But am I justified in feeling like my employers are taking advantage of everyone on these sorts of contracts?
What do you think?
All of these things took up time. And now, with half the break gone, I find it's time to start preparing for the coming term. As a condition of my employment, I am paid fairly well per hour of class taught with the understanding that I must consider myself compensated for the the work done outside of class.
Funny, but when I'm called in during my 'holiday' to clear up errors resulting from a lack of foresight, planning or effort on the part of management, I find myself less inclined to accept the terms of the contract with good grace.
Am I lazy? Oh yes. But am I justified in feeling like my employers are taking advantage of everyone on these sorts of contracts?
What do you think?
28 January 2008
Lowering the bar for higher education
It's a dark day for edumacation in Great Britain. In a move to improve the numbers of people holding qualifications, the UK has announced that they'll certify certain McDonald's management courses as being equivalent to A-levels, which will be something roughly equivalent to AP credit towards getting something like diplomas or associates degrees.
And to make things worse, an otherwise unremarkable university that has not yet lost its accredited status has hired a shiftless, foul-mouthed foreigner to teach a study skills and language improvement class to other foreign students who lack the language skills and the motivation to make it at the university level.
Oh, the irony gets thick sometimes!
And to make things worse, an otherwise unremarkable university that has not yet lost its accredited status has hired a shiftless, foul-mouthed foreigner to teach a study skills and language improvement class to other foreign students who lack the language skills and the motivation to make it at the university level.
Oh, the irony gets thick sometimes!
21 August 2007
Generation gap? Try Snake River Canyon-style crevasse...
Somehow, while I've been grappling with the difficulties of writing like a guy from 1870, my Dad (who has witnessed the ages of Jet, Space, Atomic, Information (both e- and i-) and Aquarius) has somehow become a Skype-using, Blackberry-owning, mobile-SMS-text-emailer.
Seriously, while I was trying (unsuccessfully) to work out whether it was more appropriate for a Victorian dude to say "Japanner" or "Nipponese", my dad was accurately using neologisms like "RU" and "O&O" and "STFU, my lamerz son, B4 you get pwned!"
Okay, maybe the last one was a joke, but not by much. Seriously, what the hell happened to me?
Seriously, while I was trying (unsuccessfully) to work out whether it was more appropriate for a Victorian dude to say "Japanner" or "Nipponese", my dad was accurately using neologisms like "RU" and "O&O" and "STFU, my lamerz son, B4 you get pwned!"
Okay, maybe the last one was a joke, but not by much. Seriously, what the hell happened to me?
28 March 2007
At this moment...
I'm supposed to be writing an essay that counts for something like 30% of my degree. The subject on which I'm supposed to elaborate are the techniques by which autobiographical events and information are transformed into fiction.
Given that a majority of my childhood and young adult memories are to do with fictional people, imaginary events, and highly implausible premises, I imagined this would've been easier. Turns out it doesn't exactly work both ways.
Given that a majority of my childhood and young adult memories are to do with fictional people, imaginary events, and highly implausible premises, I imagined this would've been easier. Turns out it doesn't exactly work both ways.
09 February 2007
What was the old slogan for the US Marines?
When I first started this MA course, there were about 18 students in my group. By the winter break we were down to 15. By the first week of February, usual classroom attendance for the morning session is hovering around 10 or 11. But the biggest loss is in the afternoon. Even allowing that the three part-time students aren't going, the fact that we're down to five people is a little worrisome. So far only two people have claimed a "death in the family" excuse for an absence. Most of the others have just said "screw it" and stopped going. 1
So far the lady running the class has kept showing up, but last week she actually called one of the five of us out into the hall for a brief scolding. I don't know if we can sustain another 20% drop in attendance and still be able to have meaningful discussions.
Oh, wait. We don't really have meaningful discussions in that class. Maybe that whole allusion to "the few, the proud" doesn't really work here.
1 Well, what they actually said was "sod it", but I didn't know if that would translate so well for those of you who don't speak Englandish.
So far the lady running the class has kept showing up, but last week she actually called one of the five of us out into the hall for a brief scolding. I don't know if we can sustain another 20% drop in attendance and still be able to have meaningful discussions.
Oh, wait. We don't really have meaningful discussions in that class. Maybe that whole allusion to "the few, the proud" doesn't really work here.
1 Well, what they actually said was "sod it", but I didn't know if that would translate so well for those of you who don't speak Englandish.
25 January 2007
A schoolboy's heart no longer beats within this chest...
I told you all I went back to school, right? It hasn't been all smooth.
Can you imagine what kind of situation I must be in to have to say something like "Dammit, is there reason I'm not getting more homework at this point"? Or "why the crap didn't they give us a reading list?" Or even "I'm pissed off because my damn dumbass teachers aren't working us hard enough, crap damn hell piss fart double dookey damn it!"
That's right. Today, in trying to explain my interests as a writer, I needed to clear up the differences between comic books and comic strips as regards the ways in which they are written, published and distributed to a person who was only theoretically aware of any differences at all between something like Dilbert and something else like V for Vendetta. So not only did she immediately judge me based on her own blinkered world-view, but after asking for an explanation, she demonstrated that she was not listening at all.
To add ignorance to insult to injury, our so-called Professional Writing course assignment was to come up with a lesson plan to teach an aspect of creative writing. Now, this was done for a teacher who has a side career in... teaching creative writing seminars. Is there any reason not to think that she just scammed, like 15 free lesson plans for her own damn business? The only up side I can think of is that so many of my classmates have stopped giving a damn that the lessons they submitted were likely to be a load of crap anyway.
Oh yeah, final indignity of the day. In trying to talk about science fiction fandom to a self-proclaimed "sci-fi dork", I tried to ask about a series only to find out that it that debuted a year before her birth.
What the hell, man? How the jumping crap did I wind up like this? Upset about not being asked to study enough, indignant about the ignorance of a writer of Harlequin Romances, and having to explain why a story about a space ship full of hot-blooded young folk would have been popular to a fan of Firefly.
Can you imagine what kind of situation I must be in to have to say something like "Dammit, is there reason I'm not getting more homework at this point"? Or "why the crap didn't they give us a reading list?" Or even "I'm pissed off because my damn dumbass teachers aren't working us hard enough, crap damn hell piss fart double dookey damn it!"
That's right. Today, in trying to explain my interests as a writer, I needed to clear up the differences between comic books and comic strips as regards the ways in which they are written, published and distributed to a person who was only theoretically aware of any differences at all between something like Dilbert and something else like V for Vendetta. So not only did she immediately judge me based on her own blinkered world-view, but after asking for an explanation, she demonstrated that she was not listening at all.
"Yeah, so when you talk about telling stories with pictures, I mean, I love Garfield, so that's great that you're thinking about coming up with skits for that."
To add ignorance to insult to injury, our so-called Professional Writing course assignment was to come up with a lesson plan to teach an aspect of creative writing. Now, this was done for a teacher who has a side career in... teaching creative writing seminars. Is there any reason not to think that she just scammed, like 15 free lesson plans for her own damn business? The only up side I can think of is that so many of my classmates have stopped giving a damn that the lessons they submitted were likely to be a load of crap anyway.
Oh yeah, final indignity of the day. In trying to talk about science fiction fandom to a self-proclaimed "sci-fi dork", I tried to ask about a series only to find out that it that debuted a year before her birth.
What the hell, man? How the jumping crap did I wind up like this? Upset about not being asked to study enough, indignant about the ignorance of a writer of Harlequin Romances, and having to explain why a story about a space ship full of hot-blooded young folk would have been popular to a fan of Firefly.
02 June 2006
I should have paid more attention at the racetrack...
For most of the last week I have been dog tired. Largely due to the annual sports festival held by most schools in Japan. Yeah. I'm so far out of shape that a 100 meter sprint and two hours of hauling field equipment in the rain tired me out. I know, some exercise is in order.
But I also have not been sleeping so much each night. For the last couple weeks I've been averaging about 4.5~5 hours of sleep most weeknights, with a 20 minute nap around mid-afternoon. Is it good for me? Depends on what you mean. Since I have to eat the school lunches every day, I'm probably getting a better diet in terms of nutrition than I've had since I left home. So I'm not so concerned about getting sick. And apart from the odd sports festival, my job is not so physically demanding. The problem is that it's not always so mentally demanding either.
Sometimes it's a struggle to stay focused on the job when it's just a matter of waiting to see what example sentence you'll be asked to repeat next. And since a huge part of my job is providing vocal models and then waiting for the head teacher to shout "repeat" at the kids, I have rather a lot of waiting to do. In an average 45 minute class I might spend 6 or 7 minutes enunciating and the rest of the time trying to keep the kids on the same page. Like, actually clarifying the teacher's Japanese instructions to turn to page 18.
Seriously, the teacher will say, in these kids' native language: "open your textbooks to page 18." It's not in English or German or pig latin, and he doesn't use some ceremonial, anachronistic sentence structures.
But for some reason, there will always be five or six students blinking dimly around at their peers, trying in vain to understand the meaning of "textbook." It didn't seem to me that a visual aid for something like that would be needed, but sure enough, not only do I have to demonstrate opening the book, there's actually a diagram of how to do it in their textbook.
But the relative dimness of some kids isn't the tangent I wanted to lead you on. My point is that after three years, I've become pretty familiar with my job, and it doesn't always keep me interested. But being really tired makes it a lot easier. If my mind is only running at, say, 60% capacity, it becomes much harder to get lost in a really interesting thought. Mainly because it's a lot harder to think of anything really interesting when I'm that tired.
But last night I got a full 6 hours of sleep. It's like someone turned up the power on all the inputs: colors are sharper and have more contrast, I can hear and discern more sounds, my mosquito bites are itchier and I can feel the difference between the cotton of my t-shirt and the cotton of the shirt I've got on over it where it changes on my upper arm. Smells, tastes, the whole shebang. And it has been a trial keeping on task in class. When one student starts drifting off, it's obvious from his body language. When another stops taking notes and starts writing letters to her friends, I can hear the difference in the speed and rhythm of the scratching sounds her pen makes. And even while all this is going on, underneath it my train of thought has turned into a freaking subway system. It's easy to get lost in all of that, and miss the cue to repeat the dialogue for the sixth time that day. Or was it the seventh?
Which is why I guess I've sort of been handicapping myself. In order to make sure I'm applying myself to the mundane stuff, I've been preventing my mind from being able to wander so effectively or so far out of the bounds of work...
Wait. Did I just admit to sabotaging myself in order to be able to work more efficiently?
But I also have not been sleeping so much each night. For the last couple weeks I've been averaging about 4.5~5 hours of sleep most weeknights, with a 20 minute nap around mid-afternoon. Is it good for me? Depends on what you mean. Since I have to eat the school lunches every day, I'm probably getting a better diet in terms of nutrition than I've had since I left home. So I'm not so concerned about getting sick. And apart from the odd sports festival, my job is not so physically demanding. The problem is that it's not always so mentally demanding either.
Sometimes it's a struggle to stay focused on the job when it's just a matter of waiting to see what example sentence you'll be asked to repeat next. And since a huge part of my job is providing vocal models and then waiting for the head teacher to shout "repeat" at the kids, I have rather a lot of waiting to do. In an average 45 minute class I might spend 6 or 7 minutes enunciating and the rest of the time trying to keep the kids on the same page. Like, actually clarifying the teacher's Japanese instructions to turn to page 18.
Seriously, the teacher will say, in these kids' native language: "open your textbooks to page 18." It's not in English or German or pig latin, and he doesn't use some ceremonial, anachronistic sentence structures.
"Pray, openne thy volumes of the tongues of the islande kingdom of Albion, and allow thy gaze to rest uponne the leaf numbered with the eighteenth ordinal indicating the place in sequence."
But for some reason, there will always be five or six students blinking dimly around at their peers, trying in vain to understand the meaning of "textbook." It didn't seem to me that a visual aid for something like that would be needed, but sure enough, not only do I have to demonstrate opening the book, there's actually a diagram of how to do it in their textbook.But the relative dimness of some kids isn't the tangent I wanted to lead you on. My point is that after three years, I've become pretty familiar with my job, and it doesn't always keep me interested. But being really tired makes it a lot easier. If my mind is only running at, say, 60% capacity, it becomes much harder to get lost in a really interesting thought. Mainly because it's a lot harder to think of anything really interesting when I'm that tired.
But last night I got a full 6 hours of sleep. It's like someone turned up the power on all the inputs: colors are sharper and have more contrast, I can hear and discern more sounds, my mosquito bites are itchier and I can feel the difference between the cotton of my t-shirt and the cotton of the shirt I've got on over it where it changes on my upper arm. Smells, tastes, the whole shebang. And it has been a trial keeping on task in class. When one student starts drifting off, it's obvious from his body language. When another stops taking notes and starts writing letters to her friends, I can hear the difference in the speed and rhythm of the scratching sounds her pen makes. And even while all this is going on, underneath it my train of thought has turned into a freaking subway system. It's easy to get lost in all of that, and miss the cue to repeat the dialogue for the sixth time that day. Or was it the seventh?
Which is why I guess I've sort of been handicapping myself. In order to make sure I'm applying myself to the mundane stuff, I've been preventing my mind from being able to wander so effectively or so far out of the bounds of work...
Wait. Did I just admit to sabotaging myself in order to be able to work more efficiently?
15 May 2006
A sense of perspective
This week is the first mid-term test of the year. (One more time: the school year starts in April here.) And I got to see the exam contents for the first year students. They'll be tested on their mastery of the following:
1. I am aware that O, S, V, W, X and Z have the same shape in upper and lower case, but the kids are required to learn the relative sizes to differentiate upper and lower case.
- The Alphabet (upper and lower case)
- Writing their own names in English
- Basic classroom commands (stand up, sit down, raise your hand)
- "Hello, my name is [your name here]. Nice to meet you."
1. I am aware that O, S, V, W, X and Z have the same shape in upper and lower case, but the kids are required to learn the relative sizes to differentiate upper and lower case.
01 February 2005
I dig footnotes, Paul Robinson be damned!
I know I promised to finish the story of the trip to LA, but I had a conversation last week that left me feeling more than a bit puzzled, and I'd like to see what you have to say.
(I realize, of course, that no one is going to respond to this, thus thwarting my openly stated desire. This is, in a small way, what it's like trying to speak with small children who don't speak your language. Even if they do understand your meaning, there's nothing in their makeup that disposes them to respond to anyone who isn't directly threatening them. You can say whatever you want, but there's no real way to know if you're getting through.)
Anyhow, what happened was I met a volunteer who was trying to bring some of her outside-world experience to the elementary school. Being, presumably, an outgoing, proactive type, she took it on herself to speak with the school's foreigner-in-residence. Possibly for a chance to practice her English, although I never really trust why anyone chooses to try and talk with me anymore1.
But she actually seemed interested in finding out what I was doing there, why I was in an elementary school and where I was from. At which point in the conversation2 she revealed that she had spent some time as a volunteer in and around the Navajo reservation in Arizona and New Mexico3. Although I couldn't work out what it was she was doing there, the subject turned to communication. And it was here that she stated, in surprisingly expressive English, a rather unusual opinion.
"I think," she said "that Japan has a great culture, because you don't have to use English to live in Japan. Japanese people can speak only Japanese here and live. With only Japanese [language4], you can live in Japan. We don't need English here to live, you know?"
This was puzzling for a number of reasons. First off, she could speak confidently and fairly well in English. She must have had a considerable amount of practice. And if her story about being in Arizona/New Mexico was true, she spent a not-insignificant amount of time in a place where she must have used either English or Dineh (not her native languages) to get along. So why would she view living in a monolingual culture as especially valuable?
There is a great deal of turning inward in Japanese history and culture. From the expulsion of foreign missionaries in 1587, the prohibition of foreign books in 1623 and the ban on foreign travel in 1633 all the way up to the obsessive reporting on Matsui, Ichiro and Yuta Tabuse (to the exclusion of mention of the actual teams they were playing for or against) and the difficulties of becoming a naturalized citizen. The world5 outside just ain't so important as what's homegrown. And that's not terribly different from life in the US, now that I think about it.
But in the US I don't get a sense that the majority of people there claim to be same-thinking parts of an indivisible American whole. It seems almost laughably simplistic to think that anyone would presume to speak for everyone in America, presidential and political speeches included. But people here often will, without batting an eye, say something about "we Japanese" liking or thinking or doing a particular thing with the unstated certainty that anyone else would naturally give the same answer.
What color is the sky?
"Blue."
How many minutes in an hour?
"Sixty."
What is the formula for the area of a circle?
"Pi times the radius-squared."
Who likes fermented soybeans for breakfast?
"Japanese people do."
Does your father like hot springs?
"Japanese people like hot springs."
Why do you study English?
"Japanese people can't speak English fluently, despite six years of lessons in school6."
So why would this far-traveling volunteer have taken the trouble to make herself unique in the respect of learning another language to the degree of fluency she displayed? Was this her attitude after making all the effort and receiving some insufficient payoff? Did she not get an opportunity to use all that language skill she'd needlessly acquired and did that make her bitter?
Or was she trying to say that Japan didn't need English or English instruction? Perhaps it was her way of saying that I was wasting my time trying to teach English in elementary schools (a point I'd be inclined to agree with for different reasons). Maybe she meant that there was no need for her tax dollars to be spent on importing foreigners to teach Japanese children a language that they don't need. Maybe she was trying to say, indirectly, "Foreigners out!"
Again, that's not too different from the US.
Okay, next time I'll finish that stupid LA visit story. Honest.
1 This is largely due to a surprising number of apparently friendly people openly stating that they "want to use much English practice of [me] because English lessons cost is too much high." Come on. Would you tell a lawyer you'd like to get to know her because paying a retainer is too expensive, or a doctor that he's invited to your party because you and our friends have rashes you'd like looked at for free? I teach English to pay the rent and put beer on the table. And it's not really my idea of a good time to finish work then go to some crappy coffee shop to continue working, not for pay, but at a loss of time, potential wages, transportation and the price of a drink.1a
4 I assume she meant the language, and not "With only Japanese people..."
5 And, by extension, the people from that place.
6 An actual answer from a student at the Eikaiwa I work at. Incidentally, while there are a few words in Japanese that correspond with the idea of "irony," none of them are commonly used or familiar as a source of humor or commentary to most people I've spoken to.
(I realize, of course, that no one is going to respond to this, thus thwarting my openly stated desire. This is, in a small way, what it's like trying to speak with small children who don't speak your language. Even if they do understand your meaning, there's nothing in their makeup that disposes them to respond to anyone who isn't directly threatening them. You can say whatever you want, but there's no real way to know if you're getting through.)
Anyhow, what happened was I met a volunteer who was trying to bring some of her outside-world experience to the elementary school. Being, presumably, an outgoing, proactive type, she took it on herself to speak with the school's foreigner-in-residence. Possibly for a chance to practice her English, although I never really trust why anyone chooses to try and talk with me anymore1.
But she actually seemed interested in finding out what I was doing there, why I was in an elementary school and where I was from. At which point in the conversation2 she revealed that she had spent some time as a volunteer in and around the Navajo reservation in Arizona and New Mexico3. Although I couldn't work out what it was she was doing there, the subject turned to communication. And it was here that she stated, in surprisingly expressive English, a rather unusual opinion.
"I think," she said "that Japan has a great culture, because you don't have to use English to live in Japan. Japanese people can speak only Japanese here and live. With only Japanese [language4], you can live in Japan. We don't need English here to live, you know?"
This was puzzling for a number of reasons. First off, she could speak confidently and fairly well in English. She must have had a considerable amount of practice. And if her story about being in Arizona/New Mexico was true, she spent a not-insignificant amount of time in a place where she must have used either English or Dineh (not her native languages) to get along. So why would she view living in a monolingual culture as especially valuable?
There is a great deal of turning inward in Japanese history and culture. From the expulsion of foreign missionaries in 1587, the prohibition of foreign books in 1623 and the ban on foreign travel in 1633 all the way up to the obsessive reporting on Matsui, Ichiro and Yuta Tabuse (to the exclusion of mention of the actual teams they were playing for or against) and the difficulties of becoming a naturalized citizen. The world5 outside just ain't so important as what's homegrown. And that's not terribly different from life in the US, now that I think about it.
But in the US I don't get a sense that the majority of people there claim to be same-thinking parts of an indivisible American whole. It seems almost laughably simplistic to think that anyone would presume to speak for everyone in America, presidential and political speeches included. But people here often will, without batting an eye, say something about "we Japanese" liking or thinking or doing a particular thing with the unstated certainty that anyone else would naturally give the same answer.
What color is the sky?
"Blue."
How many minutes in an hour?
"Sixty."
What is the formula for the area of a circle?
"Pi times the radius-squared."
Who likes fermented soybeans for breakfast?
"Japanese people do."
Does your father like hot springs?
"Japanese people like hot springs."
Why do you study English?
"Japanese people can't speak English fluently, despite six years of lessons in school6."
So why would this far-traveling volunteer have taken the trouble to make herself unique in the respect of learning another language to the degree of fluency she displayed? Was this her attitude after making all the effort and receiving some insufficient payoff? Did she not get an opportunity to use all that language skill she'd needlessly acquired and did that make her bitter?
Or was she trying to say that Japan didn't need English or English instruction? Perhaps it was her way of saying that I was wasting my time trying to teach English in elementary schools (a point I'd be inclined to agree with for different reasons). Maybe she meant that there was no need for her tax dollars to be spent on importing foreigners to teach Japanese children a language that they don't need. Maybe she was trying to say, indirectly, "Foreigners out!"
Again, that's not too different from the US.
Okay, next time I'll finish that stupid LA visit story. Honest.
1 This is largely due to a surprising number of apparently friendly people openly stating that they "want to use much English practice of [me] because English lessons cost is too much high." Come on. Would you tell a lawyer you'd like to get to know her because paying a retainer is too expensive, or a doctor that he's invited to your party because you and our friends have rashes you'd like looked at for free? I teach English to pay the rent and put beer on the table. And it's not really my idea of a good time to finish work then go to some crappy coffee shop to continue working, not for pay, but at a loss of time, potential wages, transportation and the price of a drink.1a
1a At a typical chain coffee shop, around $3 for a 6 oz. cup of the house coffee, around $2 for an 8 oz. soda. No refills.2 It is worth noting that this is a fairly rare occurrence in 2nd language conversations in Japan. Ideally, most English conversations would roughly resemble a game of ping-pong or something, in which the conversational ball is propelled back and forth between the speakers by asking questions or making statements that the other person can reply to or comment on. But that sort of skill is almost never taught in Japanese English classes. As a result, most people are either unaware of, unable to or unwilling to take an active part in making conversation. Students in Eikaiwa schools2a will often say "Let's have a conversation," then give a series of single-word replies without ever asking "and you?" Again, playing the part of Charlie Rose or Conan O'Brien in a series of mind-crushingly dull interviews with people who have neither the vocabulary, the interest or the awareness of the existence of others needed to engage in ordinary dialogue is not my idea of a fun evening.
2a Translating literally as "English Conversation" schools, Eikaiwa are a rather profitable business in Japan that supposedly teach conversational English to people who have only learned how to use English on Multiple choice tests. While most take the form of group lessons focusing on specific grammar points or limited situations like checking into a hotel or talking about your company's new product, students can pay extra (anywhere from 50~250% extra) for private lessons or to join "Free Conversation" groups in which they can presumably practice speaking in a natural, unstructured way.3 Where I was born and spent my formative years.
4 I assume she meant the language, and not "With only Japanese people..."
5 And, by extension, the people from that place.
6 An actual answer from a student at the Eikaiwa I work at. Incidentally, while there are a few words in Japanese that correspond with the idea of "irony," none of them are commonly used or familiar as a source of humor or commentary to most people I've spoken to.
08 December 2003
Test. Testy. Testes. Tsetse. Tutu. Tattoo.
Yeah, so I finally took that damn-stupid language test. And thanks to a combination of my busy schedule and habit of engaging in willfully self-defeating behavior, I didn't prepare nearly as much as I should have. Of course, there's always the possibility that I guessed right often enough to get the 60% I'd need to pass and earn my level 3 certification. But right after finishing the test something occurred to me.
Well, honestly it occurred to me right after sitting in a bar and drinking gin for six hours with three other test takers, but that's not the point.
I was getting really worked up about that damn test when it's not going to prove anything to anyone except me, and I clearly didn't care enough to make adequate preparations for it. None of the people I try to speak Japanese to are going to give a damn about whether I did well on the test or not. And none of the companies I work for are going to do anything as rash as raise my pay or treat me any better because of it. It's not even going to qualify me for anything.
Other than maybe the possibility of having a sense of accomplishment, I guess.
This was supposed to be some kind of goal that I could work towards that would help me progress towards a higher quality of life here. You know, by being more able to speak the language or something. Funny. That really didn't seem to work out as planned.
Maybe it's time to find some new goals.
First off, I don't bitch about my life all day. Only when I post to my blog. Or talk to my friends from Fukui. Or engage in an internal monologue for the benefit of new viewers. Second, don't call me "Blinky." I'm the one who calls people Blinky, especially when I'm getting ready to condescend to them.
...
Well, honestly it occurred to me right after sitting in a bar and drinking gin for six hours with three other test takers, but that's not the point.
I was getting really worked up about that damn test when it's not going to prove anything to anyone except me, and I clearly didn't care enough to make adequate preparations for it. None of the people I try to speak Japanese to are going to give a damn about whether I did well on the test or not. And none of the companies I work for are going to do anything as rash as raise my pay or treat me any better because of it. It's not even going to qualify me for anything.
Other than maybe the possibility of having a sense of accomplishment, I guess.
This was supposed to be some kind of goal that I could work towards that would help me progress towards a higher quality of life here. You know, by being more able to speak the language or something. Funny. That really didn't seem to work out as planned.
Maybe it's time to find some new goals.
"Hey there, Blinky, howsabout this one: quit bitching about how much your life sucks and going out to actually do something about it instead of pissing and moaning about it all damn day?"
First off, I don't bitch about my life all day. Only when I post to my blog. Or talk to my friends from Fukui. Or engage in an internal monologue for the benefit of new viewers. Second, don't call me "Blinky." I'm the one who calls people Blinky, especially when I'm getting ready to condescend to them.
"Riiiiight. And exactly who do you think is trying to condescend to whom, here?"
...
"That's about what I figured."
21 August 2003
What Have We Learned?
Try to imagine a series of TV programs for learning how to do stuff. Do you remember that old show with Bob Ross on PBS? The one where he taught you how to paint happy little trees? Imagine a show with some sincere, knowledgeable, slightly creepy guy telling you how to avoid the most common mistakes of whatever hobby you're trying to pick up.
Now imagine one for business English. And one for advanced business English. And one for British Football English. And one for conversational English. And one for German, Russian, Spanish, French, Italian, Korean and Mandarin Chinese.
Now imagine one for cooking. And making apartment furnishings from stuff you got at the 99 cent store. And one for caring for your pet hedgehog. And one for making miniature aquarium diaramas. And one for making paper airplanes. And one for golf. And one for swimming.
And one for walking in high heels.
Hey, look at that. We've just covered most of the offerings on NHK-E, the educational channel offered by Nippon Hoosoo Kyoukai (Japan Broadcasting Corporation). The Japanese government pays to produce TV programs that teach people how to waltz. Or say "Where's the toilet?" to a guy from Hamburg. Or how to walk in mules and look sexy without making that fpap-fpap-fpap sound.
What... you want some kind of comment that explains the significance of this? It's clearly a representation of some sort that shows what the government thinks the average person with enough free time wants to know, but how the hell can you sum up everything that implies? I'm putting together a jigsaw puzzle with no picture, no border, and no end.
Now imagine one for business English. And one for advanced business English. And one for British Football English. And one for conversational English. And one for German, Russian, Spanish, French, Italian, Korean and Mandarin Chinese.
Now imagine one for cooking. And making apartment furnishings from stuff you got at the 99 cent store. And one for caring for your pet hedgehog. And one for making miniature aquarium diaramas. And one for making paper airplanes. And one for golf. And one for swimming.
And one for walking in high heels.
Hey, look at that. We've just covered most of the offerings on NHK-E, the educational channel offered by Nippon Hoosoo Kyoukai (Japan Broadcasting Corporation). The Japanese government pays to produce TV programs that teach people how to waltz. Or say "Where's the toilet?" to a guy from Hamburg. Or how to walk in mules and look sexy without making that fpap-fpap-fpap sound.
What... you want some kind of comment that explains the significance of this? It's clearly a representation of some sort that shows what the government thinks the average person with enough free time wants to know, but how the hell can you sum up everything that implies? I'm putting together a jigsaw puzzle with no picture, no border, and no end.
09 July 2003
Have I told you my favorite phrase in Japanese? Well, okay, my second favorite, number one being biiru mo hitotsu, kudasai. Alright, maybe it's not even my second favorite, but it's the one I have to tell myself most often.
Anata wa benkyou ni narimashita.
or
"You have become a lesson to be learned from."
Somehow this seems more accurate than the version I heard in America about saying "it was a learning experience." That sounds like it was something you may have chosen. Or more importantly, something you may choose to learn from or not.
Anyway, lemme sum up a few things I've learned first hand in the last week:
People seem to enjoy language learning more when the grammar is connected to something they're interested in. Like Hungarian animators, alcohol, hating their job, getting a mistress or cheating on your husband.
It doesn't matter what language you use. "I'll call you" doesn't mean squat.
Hip-hop is now accepted enough in Japanese pop culture for middle-aged, 2nd-tier celebrities to try and rap in commercials for things like barbeque sauce.
You can't wash a futon in your washing machine. And it's certainly not a good idea to hang it out to dry without first checking to see if it's going to rain all day as soon as you leave for work.
6 out of 10 Japanese women studying English at my school prefer Pretty Woman to Titanic... Which I guess means that it's more romantic to be swept away by a sensitive, wealthy, piano playing, rich opera fan with a lot of money than to already be wealthy and have a poor guy die for you.
But not by much.
or
"You have become a lesson to be learned from."
Somehow this seems more accurate than the version I heard in America about saying "it was a learning experience." That sounds like it was something you may have chosen. Or more importantly, something you may choose to learn from or not.
Anyway, lemme sum up a few things I've learned first hand in the last week:
People seem to enjoy language learning more when the grammar is connected to something they're interested in. Like Hungarian animators, alcohol, hating their job, getting a mistress or cheating on your husband.
It doesn't matter what language you use. "I'll call you" doesn't mean squat.
Hip-hop is now accepted enough in Japanese pop culture for middle-aged, 2nd-tier celebrities to try and rap in commercials for things like barbeque sauce.
You can't wash a futon in your washing machine. And it's certainly not a good idea to hang it out to dry without first checking to see if it's going to rain all day as soon as you leave for work.
6 out of 10 Japanese women studying English at my school prefer Pretty Woman to Titanic... Which I guess means that it's more romantic to be swept away by a sensitive, wealthy, piano playing, rich opera fan with a lot of money than to already be wealthy and have a poor guy die for you.
But not by much.
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