A message to the citizens of England

We are all well aware that the English feel some sense of ownership towards the language named for your country. No doubt the world would be a poorer place without the works of Jonathan Swift, Geoffrey Chaucer or Iain Hollingshead.

For the record, however, there are somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 million people living in the UK these days. Not to slight the cultures of Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland or the Isle of Man, but just about everyone in that total is a speaker of English. That still leaves the UK significantly behind the number of English speakers in the US. Assuming, of course, that the 2001 census estimate of 215 million is roughly accurate. And behind the estimated 200 million Chinese people who are aiming for ESL fluency by the year 2020. Depending on who you believe, there are anywhere from 20 million to 100 million to 330 million people in India with ability right ranging from mother tongue fluency down to casual conversational right now. Do the math. If want to find an English speaker on planet Earth, you've only got about one chance in five of getting someone from the UK. And that's assuming the highest number of English literate UK citizens and the lowest numbers of English literate non-UK citizens1.

Whatever people may have said about the modern uses of Latin, there's not much Latin coming out of Rome these days. I don't mean to imply that the Queen's English is a dead language. But there's not much evidence to point to the future of English as strongly resembling anything heard around Eton. Or Oxford. Or anywhere else "public school" is taken to mean "place for upper class boys to engage in sport and light pederasty." All of which is to say the following.

Attention, citizens of England!
Please be aware that:

1. An accent unlike yours is not unusual by any stretch of the imagination
   
2. Pronunciation unlike yours is not unlikely
3. If the best you can manage for humor is observations about points 1 or 2, don't bother. Those jokes have been made countless times before.
   

Thank you.

1. For purposes of the rather rough estimate made here, I used a UK population of 60 million as compared to 215, 20, 20 and 19.5 millions for the US, India, Australia and Canada. I left out the Francophone Canucks along with everyone in New Zealand, Ireland, the Philippines, Africa, Asia and continental Europe.