This is someone's sales pitch. Seriously.

Apparently banana-mashing and plantain-loss are serious enough to necessitate a rather specific product. The "'Safe Banana' Banana Guard."

How many times have you took a banana to work, peeled it but found it was so bruised it had to be thrown away? Well, thanks to this great product, available from SafeBanana you can transport your banana fully protected during any journey.

There are nine great, funky colours to choose from and all are extremely popular. A tough banana shaped box that protects the banana and slows ripening thanks to small holes that run along the side, allowing air to circulate. A secure lock ensures you do not lose your banana. It is easy to clean and dishwasher safe.

The mind reels. There have been many times that I have "took a banana to work, peeled it but found it was so..." Wait, no. I don't know anyone who is such a colossal weenie that they would throw away a purpose-packed lunch banana because of bruising. And now that I think of it, what the hell are these people doing with their lunches anyway, kicking them down the streets?